Life is precious

I recently began driving two adorable little girls to school because their mother can no longer drive them. Their mother has been battling breast cancer for seven years.  Because the cancer spread to her bones, she receives chemo every three weeks and is on a constant drip of morphine for the pain.  She is a daily reminder of what could be.  

During the first few weeks, I was drawn to her.  I wanted to hear her story.  I sought to compare her story to mine.  How is it that I am cancer free and she is battling for her life?  I searched for reassurance.  How is my story different?  I looked for that one fact that gave me assurance that I will stay cancer free.  It was selfish of me.  After a few weeks, my feelings changed again.  I felt that I was a constant reminder of what she was not.  I started feeling guilty that I am healthy and enjoying my life while she is fighting for hers. These thoughts consume me.     

Friday I discovered that her doctors have stopped all treatment.  Hospice is arriving on Monday.  They are telling the girls and oldest son this weekend.  I know many people who have lost their battle to cancer.  This seems different.  I am completely heart broken.  I don't understand how doctor's just quit fighting.  I cannot imagine the pain my friend is feeling.  How do you look at your children and tell them you are going to die?  How will I drive these girls to school as if it is a normal Monday morning?  I want them to stay by their mother and soak up every amount of love she has to offer.  I want them to stay by her side and hear all the words of wisdom she won't be able to give them for years to come.  

This is the reality of cancer.  One mother survives, another may not.  My life is not more valuable than hers.  I cannot compare our stories because there is no logical explanation.  Cancer sucks and it is unfair.  My thoughts are the aftermath of a cancer diagnosis.  You constantly battle the enemy, even if it is not longer present in your body.  Situations like this remind me that life is indeed precious.   

Life is so precious
And each day a gift
So enjoy every minute
As it were your last

Cherish your loved ones
Hug them tight
Share with them your heart
And your time

Nothing is forever
And life goes so fast
Each minute that passes
Is one you can’t get back

When troubles arrive
And knock you off your feet
Stand up and smile
And remember life is too sweet

Every morning when you wake,
Decide right from the start,
That “Today will be a good day”
And let it all in with an open heart

Live Sincerely every day!!!!  

October Awareness

October is here.  The month is not about a pink ribbon.  It is about awareness.  I want to make you aware of those women with advanced breast cancer.  I want to make you aware of the emotional struggles these women face.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006.  At that time, one round of chemo cost $26,000.
I had insurance and was only responsible for 20% of that amount. (that last sentence is oozing with sarcasm)  Luckily, by the third round of chemo, I reached my out of pocket maximum and had 100% coverage. (again complete sarcasm)  My medical bills continued into 2007 allowing me to reach my out of pocket maximum for two consecutive years.

My battle ended.  Women with metastatic breast cancer keep fighting.  They must fight continuously to stay alive.  Metastatic breast cancer is cancer that began in the breast and spread to other parts of your body.  There is no cure for advanced breast cancer.  Women continue treatment to stay alive.  They may receive chemotherapy weekly.  They may receive radiation regularly.  They are on various medications.  These women reach their out of pocket maximum every single year.  These women have families.  They are fighting to stay alive knowing they will never be cancer free.  How long do they continue to fight?

These questions have been weighing on me.  Recently, a friend with advanced breast cancer told me that her mother thought she should quit treatment.  I became enraged.  My friend has two young girls and a husband. How could her own mother actually say those words to her daughter?  I found it insensitive and it really bothered me.  However, I began to understand the choice these women face.

The majority of women battling advanced breast cancer are not the Elizabeth Edwards type. (filthy rich) The money spent on treatment depletes their savings accounts.  My friend has been battling for seven years.  I cannot begin to comprehend the amount of medical bills the family owes.  The family will be paying those bills long after she has lost her battle.  The family's financial future will be affected for years after she is gone.

As a mother, you want to fight to stay alive.  Fight to see one more birthday, one more Christmas, one more year.  As a mother, you also think about them after you are gone.  Will they be able to handle your absence financially and emotionally?  Are you being selfish wanting more time knowing the inevitable outcome?
To me the answer will always be to fight.  You fight until the end.  Yet, these women deal with many emotional conflicts.  They think about now and the future.  They face these struggles and questions on a daily basis.

I think her mother was very wrong to say those words, but I understand why they were said.  A cancer diagnosis does not just affect the patient.  It affects the entire family and those close to the patient.  My battle lasted barely two years.  My friend is on year seven.  She is going to fight until the end because that is what mother's do.  We don't know what the future holds.  A new medical treatment could be discovered that cures her.  The cancer could simply stop growing insider her.  The current treatment plan could give her 10 more years.  Cancer is a journey of unknowns. That is why you continue to fight and never give up!      


  

Played by a 9 year old

Lately Andrew has been questioning the existence of Santa.  He is saying things like, "I just don't buy that there is a guy who makes presents for millions of kids."  "Reindeer cannot fly!"  "How can a guy travel all over the world in one night?"  I've been hearing these statements for months now.  He always ends with, "You can tell me it's you mom."  My response is always the same, "If you believe you will receive."

I thought I was dodging the issue quite well.  I thought I'd have one more year of our Christmas Eve rituals. Every Christmas Eve we leave Santa cookies and a glass of milk by the fireplace.  Then we put some carrots outside for the "flying" reindeer.  The three kids always sleep together on Christmas Eve.  They track Santa's movement on the internet and race to bed when he gets close.  We cuddle in bed and read Twas the Night Before Christmas.  Once they are quiet, David and I begin wrapping gifts.  Not sure why, but I am always wrapping on Christmas Eve.

I'm going to miss our Christmas Eve traditions.  This will be the first year that none of my children believe in Santa.  You see I blew it last night.  Andrew set me up and I walked right into his trap.  I got played by a 9 year old!

I was putting Andrew to bed.  We read a nightly devotional before going to sleep.  Tonight's was about honesty.  The devotional explained the meaning of integrity and the importance of being honest.  We finished reading and Andrew says, "It's okay to lie sometimes though."  "Like to tell someone you like their clothes when you don't."  "Or if you don't want to hurt their feelings."  We began talking about those situations and ways to be honest without hurting their feelings.  I remember thinking this is a really good conversation. He is really opening up.  I basically patted myself on the back.  Then he says, "it's okay to lie when you tell a little kid there is a Santa Claus."  Without a thought I answered, "yeah, but that is different."   He responded, "GOTCHA!"  "I knew it."  "I knew it was you."  The kid completely set me up.  He knew from his first question what he wanted to accomplish and he succeeded.

Now he is reminding me over and over how I admitted that I am Santa.  He is so proud of himself.  I must admit I never saw it coming.  Santa really needs to watch out for this kid.

To save or not to save

I posed a question on Facebook today and was surprised by the responses I received.  It left me rethinking my decision.  My daughter, a high school freshman, left her novel at home today.  She needed it for class and called asking me to drop it in the office.  I responded, no.  I am surprised by how many people thought I should have brought her the book.  

Last night at back to school night, Andrew's teacher told us that if our children forget their homework or lunch not to bring it to them.  Their LUNCH?  If I received a dollar every time I dropped their lunch off at school over the years, I'd own a new Coach bag!  The speech last night did not influence my decision.  

I have a standing rule with forgotten homework.  I save you once.  After that, oh well.  I realize I did not give Gabby her one save.  Here is why:  SHE IS IN HIGH SCHOOL!!  

She had enough time to ensure her phone and make-up were in her backpack.  She had enough time to see if the cute boy down the street left for school before us.  She had enough time to put on make-up and pick out the perfect outfit for the day.  We left for school 15 minutes before usual because she was sitting around ready to go.  Oddly enough, there was not enough time for her to make her bed, pick up her room, or grab all of her school work needed for the day.  I am not going to run a book to the school because she forgot it. When will it end?  Will I get a call in college asking me to bring her the term paper she forgot in her dorm room?  

I will always be there for my children.  I am willing to do anything for them.  However, they need to be responsible.  They need to learn to take care of the important things FIRST.  I do not feel this is tough love. 

I think it is a little lesson in priorities.       

The dreaded exam......

I am super excited to face my next challenge.  The dreaded California Bar exam!  I am also terrified.  Last night at class, our professor handed out a letter to give to our friends and family and it freaked me out.  Here are a few pearls of wisdom the letter contained:

• Expect your loved one (that's me) to be "gone" for the next three months.  They may be right there beside you and not there; she will be thinking constantly about exam fact patterns while eating and showering.  Your loved one will dream about the bar.   (I am going to be really boring.  I can't even sing in the shower anymore?)
• The person you knew as a slightly crazed law student will be taken over by "Bar-it is."   (I don't even know what this means exactly, but I was more than a slightly crazed law student...does that mean I will be deemed certifiably insane by the time I take the Bar?)
• Your loved one is competing against thousands of other people- young people, just out of law school, many with little or no work or family commitments.  (I am screwed. (excuse my language)  I am old with many family commitments  Thanks for this!!)
• Expect your loved one to say "NO" to all social commitments.  Tell your friends not to even ask.  (Isn't this a bit extreme?  I mean I have to eat lunch and exercise can't I drag a friend along for a break?  I can even give her a few fact patterns during our run.....if I accidentally tripped you right now because I have fact patterns clouding my brain and you fall and break your leg am I negligent?)  
• Delay any important decisions, major changes, arguments until after the Bar.  (If I have done anything to tick you off, yell at me in three months please)
• Try not to take the moodiness and tension that sometimes comes with Bar stress personally.  (and if you do we'll argue about it in three months!)      

I am not sure how my classmates felt about this letter but it stressed me out more than the actual exam!! 

I will not be as easily accessible until August 2nd.  However, I am not going to hide in a cave until the exam.

I have friends and family I care about and they will hear from me even if it is a text once a week or to go on a run with me.  (promise I will NOT trip you)  This exam is the most important I have ever taken.  I am going to take it seriously, but I need a balance.  I need time with my family and friends or I will go insane!  I have three kiddies and a husband that may have a problem with me being "gone" until August.  

I understand the message behind the letter.  The Bar exam must come first.  That is going to be difficult because I have never put my family second.  I will make it up to them on August 3rd!  Until then, please send happy thoughts, prayers and understanding my way.  

Bittersweet...

It seems to be the word of the day for me.  Well, not exactly for me but for my daughter.  My mother always tells me that any pain, sadness, sorrow I feel....she feels too.  Boy oh boy do I understand that now.

Two weeks ago Gabrielle injured her knee in soccer.  It was the second game of State Cup.  Gabby and the goalie were racing towards the ball.  They arrived at the same time.  Gabby shot....the goalie blocked it and Gabby went down.  I saw the look on her face when it happened and I knew she was in pain.  However, I did not expect a ruptured ACL, torn Meniscus, torn muscle behind the knee and a sprained MCL.

See why I didn't think it was that bad?  All smiles!

The day after

Today her team has made it to the final four!  Gabby is with her teammates and friends all smiles, and I am in tears.  As I am writing this, Gabby sent me this text..."everyone on the team pitched in for a jacket, I am loved!"  Once again, I am reminded that our friends and family are amazing.  I have had friends that have stopped by just to give her a hug.  Friends stopping by to check on her and bring her flowers.  She has gotten cookies, cards, and tons of love.

Gabrielle has a long road ahead of her.  She is currently attending physical therapy three times a week.
They are preparing her knee for surgery.  The surgery will replace the ACL and fix the meniscus.  After surgery, she will have another 6 months of physical therapy.  She has continuous pain.  You wouldn't know it being around her.  She rarely complains about the pain, but I know it is there.

I know there are people dealing with far greater issues than a bum knee.  But for us right now, this is a big hurdle.  I am continuously in awe of her ability to handle the situation.  She still has her goofy sense of humor, and a positive attitude.  I am sad that she is not playing with her team today.  I am sad that she will miss her freshman year of sports.  I am sad that she is in pain and scared that she faces surgery.

I know that God has a plan for her. (a wise friend reminded me of this yesterday)  She will work hard over the next year and return stronger.  Hopefully, the next time she is chasing down the ball and sees the goalie coming......she will jump over her instead of take the shot!!!!

Best teammates ever!

 

A reminder

Life has been so busy lately I feel our family is becoming disconnected.  I hear the kids arguing more often and I am lacking patience.  Then I watch them shower their sister with homemade gifts and all the bad disappears.  I am in awe at how much love they have for one another.  We are big on homemade gifts in our house.  Andrew wrote all over a plastic storage bin filled it with candy and a book...voila the perfect birthday gift.

He wrote on every side

We created a little scrapbook for Gabby.  Each of us wrote her a message and Andrew's blew me away.  He wrote, "I think of you as a rock star a roll model and a nice sister.  I love you and I am sorry for all the times I been mean to you.  Your loveing your caring your everything a brother wants.  I love you."

Does it get any cuter?

They really spoiled their sister tonight and it makes me smile.  Sure, they drive each other insane at times, but they adore one another too.  I am one lucky mommy!!!

I am also the mother of a 14 year old daughter.  How in the world did that happen so quickly?  Boy does she make me proud.  I cannot be around the girl without smiling.  Usually cause she is doing or saying something silly.  She is who she is and will not change for anyone.  I admire that so much.  She is a pretty special girl.  Days like today remind me not to sweat the small stuff and to cherish every moment.  Happy birthday Gabrielle Renee!

Birthday girl!

  

 

That time of year....again

The other day my husband asked me to hire a cleaning lady until I take the bar exam.  Apparently, I have been a raging lunatic lately!?  What he fails to recognize, and not for lack of caring, is that my increased stress level is not because of a messy house, finals, and the July bar.  It's because of the phone calls I've ignored for over three weeks.  I finally got the courage to return the calls to my doctor and my yearly appointments are made.  When I received my breast cancer diagnosis, I visited the doctor every two weeks.  Once I finished chemo, every three months.  After two years, my appointments were six months apart.  Once you reach the five year mark, yearly appointments.  Last year I celebrated my sixth year of being cancer free! (in Vegas with my amazing sisters)

During my six year appointment, my doctor explained that triple negative breast cancer is most likely to recur within the first five years after diagnosis. (you can learn more about triple negative here)  It is very rare to find a recurrence after five years.  The next words my doctor said were,"you're cured."  If I am cured, why am I so stressed about my yearly appointments?  Because I do NOT trust cancer.  Cancer does not care about statistics.  Cancer does not care if after five years it is not supposed to return for an encore.  The disease is like a psychopath.  It lacks a conscience, manipulates you into thinking you are healthy, and ruins your life if you let your guard down.  I am just not comfortable with the words, "you're cured."

I am not sitting around waiting to get cancer again.  After my diagnosis, I worried about my disease every second of every day.  Almost seven years later, I do not worry about it at all.  I did everything I could to ensure that I would be healthy forever.  My fate is not up to me.  I have put all of my faith and trust in God.  Only He knows how I will leave this earth and when.  There is no reason to worry about a disease that could come back.  I could walk out of the house and get hit by a car.  At this point in my life, I have more of a chance of getting killed in a car accident than from a recurrence of cancer.  Still, these darn appointments increase my stress and put a pit in my stomach.  The appointments force me to think about the cancer.  I don't want to give this disease one second of my thoughts.

Nonetheless, my first appointment is tomorrow.  I can only hope that these yearly appointments eventually cause less stress, otherwise my husband may kick me to the curb once a year.  If you have a loved one that is a survivor and they get a bit crazy around the time of their appointments, now you know why.  Give them a bit more love and understanding.  

End of my rope...

As a parent, I probably reach the end of my rope once a month!  I am pretty patient with many things, but the house is definitely not one of them.  When my house is messy and cluttered, I seriously feel like I cannot breathe.  I cannot stand clutter.  I know a messy house is not something to get all worked up about.  I have a healthy family, friends, blah, blah, blah!  I have heard all of these comments from friends, my husband, my mother.  Bottom line...if my house is out of order, I feel out of order.

The problem is that my house is out of order a lot these days and it drives me insane.  To quote my eight year old son...."watch out she's gonna blow!"  I ask very little of my children.  During the weekends, they are asked to help clean.  However, school weeks they are only required to make their beds, keep their rooms clean, put sports stuff in the garage and pick up after themselves.

Does this look like my garage?

Those are CLEAN clothes on the unmade bed!

Two seconds to throw that comforter over the bed...

What you don't see is the 5 blankets and over 20 stuffed animals on his bed.

I am a broken record.  Reminding them of the small chores I expect done everyday to help me out.  Even when I remind them, they don't do it!  I have gone on strike in the past, but that doesn't solve the problem it only makes it worse.  Today I decided that I would mirror my children.  I listened to them the way they listen to me.  When Gabby asked for help with her hair this morning, I said "in a minute."  Ten minutes passed and asked again....I responded, "hang on."  By the end of the morning, it only caused frustration.  I am at the end of my rope.  I have tried chore charts, allowance, lecturing (take pride in your home...blah, blah, blah), consequences (they cannot leave until the work is done), and yelling (which never works).  I am worried that by the time I become an attorney, I will need an attorney.

I am going to re-open all of my parenting books and figure out a plan that doesn't involve a live-in cleaning lady, figuring out how "I Dream of Jeannie" did the head thing, or purchasing every wand in Harry Potter Land hoping one actually works.  Happy cleaning!  




    

My "clean" little secret

Socks without a match....

Yep, that is my basket of unmatched socks.  Oh, I am certain that many of those socks have matches, but I have yet to go through the pile.  I think of it everyday.  I put it on my "to do" list every week.  Yet, there it sits.  Multiplying.  I keep justifying it by telling myself that once all of the laundry is done I will match them.  Is all of the laundry ever done?

I am a bit of an organization freak, so I am certain that this picture will shock those that know me well.
Let me assure you, this is NOT the only unfinished project in my house.  I have a closet of pictures that I constantly tell myself that I will get to next week.  The problem is that when a project remains unfinished it tends to grow and becomes so overwhelming that I never know where to begin.  This is precisely what happened with my "drawer" of unmatched socks.  It soon became two drawers, than filled a small bin, and now has multiplied into a large bin of unmatched socks!  Why do I have so many unmatched socks?  KIDS!  I find one sock on the grass, one in the street (apparently it was being used as a free throw line), multiple socks in my car, soccer bags, under the bed, on the bed, stuffed in the cushions of my couch (my husband is guilty of this).  You get the idea.  I just need to tackle the beast and match the darn socks!  Definitely on my "to do" list this week.  I will offer proof by the end of the week:)  

Second guessing...

I had a parenting moment today that I am already second guessing.  I have a teen in the house.  I can almost hear all of the mom's saying, "oh, you poor thing!"  I actually love having a teenager.  She is quick witted, sometimes too quick.  She is hilarious and very helpful around the house.  (who cares if I have to ask four times)  I thought we were over the hurdle of the disrespect and rudeness, but lately it is back.  I took a stand today and now I am wondering if it was too much.

Yesterday after school she played basketball, piano, her phone....anything and everything besides homework.  The plan was to do homework after soccer practice.  Unfortunately, after soccer practice she had a terrible migraine, came home and went to sleep.  She woke up at 8:30 p.m. still was not feeling well and went back to bed.  We told her to set her alarm for 5:00 a.m. to complete her homework.  I did not wake up with her.  I did not set an alarm.  She is almost 14 and I felt it is her responsibility.  At 7:10 a.m., I went into her room and reminded her we needed to leave at 7:30.  At this point, she showered.  Yep, a teenage girl leaving herself 20 minutes to get ready.  I am certain you know how the rest of the morning proceeded.

Snotty attitude because I told her to get ready too late.  Snotty attitude because she did not finish all of her homework and this was my fault?  It continued into the car and in front of the car pool kids.  On our way to school, she realized she forgot something at home.  We were only down the block, but if I went back for her the other kids would also be late for school.  If she went to school without the item, she would get penalized.

I chose not to take her back home.  I could not go out of my way for her after the attitude I received all morning.  She insisted that we go back to get her assignment and that I drive her to school late when I take the other kids.  (I am using "insisted" loosely)  Unlucky for her, I also car pool for the elementary school kids and my car is full.  I refused to allow her to double buckle.  I gave her the option of walking or waiting until I drop them off and come back to get her.  She chose to wait and subsequently missed her Spanish class.

I am not sure if this was the right choice.  The migraine was not her fault.  She probably had more of an attitude due to the migraine and stress of not doing her homework.  She missed a class.  However, she was so rude this morning and I just needed her to know I will not accept that behavior.  When I dropped her off at school, she thanked me for driving her.  She apologized and gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved me.  I know that attitude and irrational behavior is inevitable for teenagers.  I just want to see less of the bad stuff and more of the awesome teenager that I love and enjoy!!  

      

Strong women

Hopefully the title of this blog immediately brought someone to your mind.  A grandmother, mother, sister, friend, aunt, daughter?  I have known many strong women in my life and they have all influenced me to some degree.  However, there are two women that I could only hope to mirror, Aunt Alice and my mother.

 Aunt Alice is not actually my aunt, and I never met her.  The fact that I am grouping her with my own mother should give you a hint of how amazing Aunt Alice was.  (I know that sentence is not grammatically correct)  Aunt Alice lost her battle to breast cancer in December.  She battled this disease for years.  

It began as breast cancer, but through the years it spread.  It spread everywhere.  The cancer went to her bones, her ovaries, her brain.  No organ was safe from the monster.  Chemotherapy became a daily occurrence in Alice's life.  Yes, a daily occurrence.  Alice never gave up.  I quit chemo after my fourth round.  Yep, I told my husband that I was not going back and no one could make me.  (He called my mother and I went to round five and six)  Alice's chemo didn't end at round six.  Alice's fight consumed her life, but she still lived.  Alice lived with grace, dignity, and love.  The people in her life will never forget her.  Aunt Alice is synonymous with the word strong.  I often borrowed her strength throughout my journey.  Even though she is not physically here today; her strength and spirit will be with me forever.  Happy birthday Aunt Alice!  

My mother will be celebrating a major milestone next month.  She will be thirty years cancer free!  It is difficult to write about a wonderful woman who lost her battle than celebrate someone who won.  This unfairness adds to my hatred for this disease.  My mother received her cancer diagnosis at the ripe old age of 32.  Not only did she face a cancer diagnosis, but her father lost his battle with cancer at the exact same time.  My mother buried her father and two days later began her own.  I never knew about my mother's cancer, because my mother and grandmother hid it from me.  I remember her being in the hospital, but nothing else about the cancer.  Right after my grandfather passed away, my step-father left.  As I got older, I learned that he left because he could not handle her diagnosis.  Coward!  My mother protected me at a time when her life was in complete disarray.  The cancer returned in her other breast six months later.  At this point, my mother got rid of the darn things.  My mother refused chemotherapy and radiation.  She saw the effects of chemo on her father and simply refused.  My mother lost her father, her husband and kicked cancer's butt all in the same year.  She is amazing!  

I cannot reconcile why one is not with us today.  It is not fair.  I have learned that not much about cancer is fair.  I do know that both my mother and Aunt Alice are cancer free today and in that I can rejoice!  

It's all in the genes....

I just returned from Chicago because at the age of sixty-three my mother had surgery to remove her ovaries.  She had no choice because they would have killed her.  My mother is a 30 year breast cancer survivor.  Like me, she was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma at the age of 33.  Like me, she is BRCA1 positive.  She made a brave decision to remove her ovaries because carrying the BRCA1 gene almost guarantees that she will get ovarian cancer.  My mother made the decision to remove her ovaries before they tried to kill her.  I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason.

Try to follow me, my paternal grandfather died of stomach cancer at the age of 55.  His daughter (my mother) was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 33.  His granddaughter (me) was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 33.  When my mother was diagnosed, not much was known about the BRCA genes and she was never tested.  I was immediately tested for the gene after my diagnosis and I am positive.  I carry the BRCA1 gene.  Because of my diagnosis and testing, we traced the gene back to my grandfather.  We got my mom tested and she removed her ovaries.  Without my diagnosis, we would not know about the gene and my mother would have gotten ovarian cancer.  As I tell my mother, I saved her life!  Yeah, she doesn't buy it either.

The BRCA gene is a mutation.  The general population has a 7% chance of getting breast cancer in their lifetime.  A person with a BRCA gene mutation has an 87% chance of receiving a breast cancer diagnosis in their lifetime.  The general population has less than a 1% risk of ovarian cancer.  The BRCA carrier has a 64% chance of receiving a diagnosis of ovarian cancer in her lifetime.  The gene is not kind to men either; increasing their risk of prostate, pancreatic and breast cancer.  With these odds, it is imperative that you know your family history and the possibility of the BRCA gene being present.

I am sure many of you are reading this and thinking of my three yahoo's.

It is my daily battle.  I have moments where I cry uncontrollably thinking about our future.  I have moments where I think, this is going to be my legacy to my grandchildren, great grandchildren.  How could I do this to them?  Here's the thing, it is done.  Each of them have a 50/50 chance.  I could get lucky and none of them carry the gene.  (Please God, let this be) All three could be carriers, one of them, two of them.  I can worry everyday, but it is done.  They are here and they either have the gene or they don't.  I am gathering information for them daily.  I have stories of brave women who chose to remove their breasts.  I have stories of women who chose to be diligent and pray they are the 13% that does not get breast cancer.  All I can do, as a mother, is provide them with the information and let them make decisions that are best for them.  I am a six year survivor.  I am blessed with three beautiful children and if their genes betray them; I will be here to support them.

The thing is that I have knowledge and know what I am up against.  Look into your family history.  Ask questions and make sure that the BRCA gene did not infiltrate your family genes.  Knowledge is power.  We can do things like remove our ovaries.  We can take steps to ensure that we stay one step ahead of this dreaded disease!