The pink of October never really bothered me until this past year. I am appreciative of the support and the awareness, but awareness is nothing without action. I am certain there are women eating their yogurt with the pink tin foil top while watching the men of the NFL wear their cute pink socks that have not had a mammogram in years. I also have an issue with the color Pink. How did we happen upon pink? Because it is feminine? Well, after a double mastectomy, oopherectomy, chemotherapy, reconstruction and having your nipples tattooed...I felt many things, but feminine definitely was not one of them. Wow, I sound angry and I promise I am not. I am thankful for all I have been through because I am alive. I am able to complain about PINK!
In August, I found a lump in my underarm (armpit, but underarm sounds more feminine). I called my oncologist who gave me an appointment with his nurse practitioner. My husband (David) took a day off work and we headed to the Breast Center. While I was in with the nurse, David sent a text to my sister asking if she would be around because he may need her. That was the entire text. We had agreed not to tell anyone and I guess that did fit the parameters. He told her nothing, yet enough to freak her out. Was I running off with George Clooney? Was he trying to hook up with her? Was he going to need someone to bail him out of jail later? The nurse practitioner diagnosed me with an ingrown hair; gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way. That is exactly why we agreed not to tell anyone!!!
The problem is the lump or ingrown hair or whatever did not go away. I was too embarrassed to call the oncologist back because I already wasted their time. I had a physical scheduled with my general practitioner, so I asked for her opinion. She scheduled me for an ultrasound. The technician informed me that it definitely was NOT an ingrown hair. Not sure why, but I felt vindicated after hearing that. I did not freak out over an ingrown hair. HA! The radiologist said it is an inflamed lymph node. The area around it is also inflamed because I keep messing with it. I think it did become quite an obsession. I felt it over and over hoping it wouldn't be there the next time. The radiologist asked for me to leave it alone and come back in four months. He sent the report to my oncologist to review and determine whether to take another path. The oncologist got the report a week ago and I have not heard from him. I know you are thinking I am similar to the girl eating the pink yogurt watching football. Honest, I am not.
The thing is when I first found the lump on my left breast I knew in that instant that I had breast cancer. Unfortunately for my husband, I was at the mall. I am a firm believer in retail therapy. (sorry honey) Right now I feel like this is God's way of keeping me on my toes. It is His way of reminding me of my journey. A lump under my arm turns into a big ordeal because of my journey. A migraine headache has sent me to the ER. A pain in my stomach gets me a CT scan. I don't go through these things unscathed. I get worried each time thinking is it back? This is my normal.
P.S. YES, I am going to call the doctor tomorrow morning, even though I know if he were concerned he would have called by now.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Please stop the merry go round....
Lately life seems to be moving at warp speed. It's like I blink and a new week begins. I think about the previous week and realize I got nothing done that was on my "to do" list, but I also had zero time. I decided to write out my schedule for the week. The entire seven days and make sure I am utilizing my time. Here is this week's schedule for October 22-28:
Monday:
9 a.m: Courthouse
11:30 a.m.- 1:00 p.m.: class
1:00-6:00 p.m.: library, study for mid-term, homework
6-9:00 p.m.: mid-term
Tuesday:
9 a.m.: Internship
3:00 p.m.: doctor's appointment (more about that later)
6:00 p.m.: class
9:00 p.m.: p/u car pool from soccer
meanwhile my husband is holding down the fort at home
6-7:30: soccer for Andrew
7-9: soccer for Gabby
7-8:30 soccer for Rylee
Wednesday:
8:30: orthodontist (get braces on)
11:30: class
2 p.m.: pick up kids from school
3:30: pick up Gabby from school
get Halloween costumes it is next week!
6-8: volleyball for Rylee
6:45: Gabby fall vocal concert
7-8:30: Youth group for girls
Thursday:
10 a.m.: class
12-6: library
repeat Tuesday soccer schedule
6 p.m.: class
Friday:
9 a.m.: internship
1:30- argue my first motion in court
The evening is mine!! (well, to clean and catch up)
Saturday:
9 a.m.: Law Review meeting at school
9:20: Andrew soccer game
11:40: Rylee soccer game
6 p.m.: Gabby Halloween party (car pool girls to haunted house)
Sunday:
9:45 am: Gabby soccer game
FREE TIME
5:30 pm: church
5-7: volleyball Rylee
This explains the mounds of laundry. The dust on my dresser. The absence of food in my fridge.
My exhaustion. And the fact that I want to hop on a plane to a tropical island and order a drink containing an umbrella! I am certain that every mother out there has a schedule much like mine. I really found that writing it down gave me a bit of peace. I am doing all that I can do given my time constraints. I am not superwoman and I cannot do it all. We knew that some things would need to "give" when I began law school. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. (I graduate in May)
My family has really stepped up to help out and they have been very supportive of mom never being around. Even though my week is crazy busy, I am going to law school which has been a dream of mine for many, many years. I have three amazing children that are very active. I have a husband who has helped out more than I ever imagined possible. My house is not going to be the cleanest. I am going to miss deadlines and forget to pick up a kid every now and then. (true story, sorry kids) But, it's my life right now and I wouldn't change it! Okay, that is not true. A full-time chef, housekeeper, personal assistant, chauffeur, hot pool boy, masseuse, and personal trainer would be fabulous!! Until then, I am living sincerely. Knowing that I am doing the best that I can!
Monday:
9 a.m: Courthouse
11:30 a.m.- 1:00 p.m.: class
1:00-6:00 p.m.: library, study for mid-term, homework
6-9:00 p.m.: mid-term
Tuesday:
9 a.m.: Internship
3:00 p.m.: doctor's appointment (more about that later)
6:00 p.m.: class
9:00 p.m.: p/u car pool from soccer
meanwhile my husband is holding down the fort at home
6-7:30: soccer for Andrew
7-9: soccer for Gabby
7-8:30 soccer for Rylee
Wednesday:
8:30: orthodontist (get braces on)
11:30: class
2 p.m.: pick up kids from school
3:30: pick up Gabby from school
get Halloween costumes it is next week!
6-8: volleyball for Rylee
6:45: Gabby fall vocal concert
7-8:30: Youth group for girls
Thursday:
10 a.m.: class
12-6: library
repeat Tuesday soccer schedule
6 p.m.: class
Friday:
9 a.m.: internship
1:30- argue my first motion in court
The evening is mine!! (well, to clean and catch up)
Saturday:
9 a.m.: Law Review meeting at school
9:20: Andrew soccer game
11:40: Rylee soccer game
6 p.m.: Gabby Halloween party (car pool girls to haunted house)
Sunday:
9:45 am: Gabby soccer game
FREE TIME
5:30 pm: church
5-7: volleyball Rylee
This explains the mounds of laundry. The dust on my dresser. The absence of food in my fridge.
My exhaustion. And the fact that I want to hop on a plane to a tropical island and order a drink containing an umbrella! I am certain that every mother out there has a schedule much like mine. I really found that writing it down gave me a bit of peace. I am doing all that I can do given my time constraints. I am not superwoman and I cannot do it all. We knew that some things would need to "give" when I began law school. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. (I graduate in May)
My family has really stepped up to help out and they have been very supportive of mom never being around. Even though my week is crazy busy, I am going to law school which has been a dream of mine for many, many years. I have three amazing children that are very active. I have a husband who has helped out more than I ever imagined possible. My house is not going to be the cleanest. I am going to miss deadlines and forget to pick up a kid every now and then. (true story, sorry kids) But, it's my life right now and I wouldn't change it! Okay, that is not true. A full-time chef, housekeeper, personal assistant, chauffeur, hot pool boy, masseuse, and personal trainer would be fabulous!! Until then, I am living sincerely. Knowing that I am doing the best that I can!
What's in a name?
The first thing you must do to create a blog is name it. "The pressure of a name." "You want a name?" "Cindaf***rella!" Please tell me you recognize these movie lines?
Living Sincerely. That is what I named by blog. The name is a reminder of how I want to live my life and a reminder of how I learned to live sincerely. Truth be told, I took a pledge. Vanessa Tiemier is a courageous young woman who is losing her battle with breast cancer. Vanessa began a movement of people all over the world to take the pledge to Live Sincerely. The pledge:
I will live sincerely.
I will learn from each person and each day on my journey
and will share ideas and wisdom from my own experiences.
With a grateful spirit, I will acknowledge my need for others and will in turn be loving and generous,
remembering that every member of a community plays a unique role.
I will remain strong in my convictions
while keeping an open mind to perspectives beyond myself.
Courageously, I will respect each movement of my heart,
through fear and joy, grief and peace.
I will cultivate my passions with delight
and also take time for honest introspection.
I will love the person I am today
while constantly striving towards my best self.
I will keep a healthy balance between the rewards of discipline and the growth and wonder that spontaneity brings.
I will acknowledge both the marvel and the limitations of my body and respectfully take care of it the best I can.
Accepting the reality that there are circumstances I cannot change, I will seize my power to actively change that which I can control with hope and creativity.
I commit to living each chapter of my story:
honoring the lessons and gifts of my past,
fully participating in the fleeting beauty of the present,
and bravely walking towards the unknowns of my future.
Knowing that life is an enduring but glorious struggle,
I pledge to live each day with purpose.
I will live sincerely.
I am naming my blog in honor of Vanessa and as a daily reminder of how I should be living my life. I have never met Vanessa, but her story and her courage inspire me. She is facing her destiny with honor, courage and humor. People all across the world are taking the pledge. This beautiful pledge written by a young lady who is going to leave this world far too soon. So, I am going to vow to live sincerely and share my journey with you. I expect you to take the pledge too.
Living Sincerely. That is what I named by blog. The name is a reminder of how I want to live my life and a reminder of how I learned to live sincerely. Truth be told, I took a pledge. Vanessa Tiemier is a courageous young woman who is losing her battle with breast cancer. Vanessa began a movement of people all over the world to take the pledge to Live Sincerely. The pledge:
I will live sincerely.
I will learn from each person and each day on my journey
and will share ideas and wisdom from my own experiences.
With a grateful spirit, I will acknowledge my need for others and will in turn be loving and generous,
remembering that every member of a community plays a unique role.
I will remain strong in my convictions
while keeping an open mind to perspectives beyond myself.
Courageously, I will respect each movement of my heart,
through fear and joy, grief and peace.
I will cultivate my passions with delight
and also take time for honest introspection.
I will love the person I am today
while constantly striving towards my best self.
I will keep a healthy balance between the rewards of discipline and the growth and wonder that spontaneity brings.
I will acknowledge both the marvel and the limitations of my body and respectfully take care of it the best I can.
Accepting the reality that there are circumstances I cannot change, I will seize my power to actively change that which I can control with hope and creativity.
I commit to living each chapter of my story:
honoring the lessons and gifts of my past,
fully participating in the fleeting beauty of the present,
and bravely walking towards the unknowns of my future.
Knowing that life is an enduring but glorious struggle,
I pledge to live each day with purpose.
I will live sincerely.
I am naming my blog in honor of Vanessa and as a daily reminder of how I should be living my life. I have never met Vanessa, but her story and her courage inspire me. She is facing her destiny with honor, courage and humor. People all across the world are taking the pledge. This beautiful pledge written by a young lady who is going to leave this world far too soon. So, I am going to vow to live sincerely and share my journey with you. I expect you to take the pledge too.
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