The pink of October never really bothered me until this past year. I am appreciative of the support and the awareness, but awareness is nothing without action. I am certain there are women eating their yogurt with the pink tin foil top while watching the men of the NFL wear their cute pink socks that have not had a mammogram in years. I also have an issue with the color Pink. How did we happen upon pink? Because it is feminine? Well, after a double mastectomy, oopherectomy, chemotherapy, reconstruction and having your nipples tattooed...I felt many things, but feminine definitely was not one of them. Wow, I sound angry and I promise I am not. I am thankful for all I have been through because I am alive. I am able to complain about PINK!
In August, I found a lump in my underarm (armpit, but underarm sounds more feminine). I called my oncologist who gave me an appointment with his nurse practitioner. My husband (David) took a day off work and we headed to the Breast Center. While I was in with the nurse, David sent a text to my sister asking if she would be around because he may need her. That was the entire text. We had agreed not to tell anyone and I guess that did fit the parameters. He told her nothing, yet enough to freak her out. Was I running off with George Clooney? Was he trying to hook up with her? Was he going to need someone to bail him out of jail later? The nurse practitioner diagnosed me with an ingrown hair; gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way. That is exactly why we agreed not to tell anyone!!!
The problem is the lump or ingrown hair or whatever did not go away. I was too embarrassed to call the oncologist back because I already wasted their time. I had a physical scheduled with my general practitioner, so I asked for her opinion. She scheduled me for an ultrasound. The technician informed me that it definitely was NOT an ingrown hair. Not sure why, but I felt vindicated after hearing that. I did not freak out over an ingrown hair. HA! The radiologist said it is an inflamed lymph node. The area around it is also inflamed because I keep messing with it. I think it did become quite an obsession. I felt it over and over hoping it wouldn't be there the next time. The radiologist asked for me to leave it alone and come back in four months. He sent the report to my oncologist to review and determine whether to take another path. The oncologist got the report a week ago and I have not heard from him. I know you are thinking I am similar to the girl eating the pink yogurt watching football. Honest, I am not.
The thing is when I first found the lump on my left breast I knew in that instant that I had breast cancer. Unfortunately for my husband, I was at the mall. I am a firm believer in retail therapy. (sorry honey) Right now I feel like this is God's way of keeping me on my toes. It is His way of reminding me of my journey. A lump under my arm turns into a big ordeal because of my journey. A migraine headache has sent me to the ER. A pain in my stomach gets me a CT scan. I don't go through these things unscathed. I get worried each time thinking is it back? This is my normal.
P.S. YES, I am going to call the doctor tomorrow morning, even though I know if he were concerned he would have called by now.
I love you. Call the doctor:)
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